Management Muddle: can you offer some advice on how to, in essence, speak to a child in an adult’s role?

I am finding it very difficult to get my new “leader” to listen: can you offer some advice on how to, in essence, speak to a child in an adult’s role?

Recently, two very young, very inexperienced, and very immature individuals were “promoted” (read: hand-picked) to management level positions within our department. Since this time, team morale has eroded significantly, one senior member has left the team, and there is a global sense of malaise permeating the team. Both these people are not only new to our industry, but also new to the job market itself. This has lead to some irrational and immature behavior traits which have further deepened the aforementioned state of affairs within the group. Sadly, they have the backing of senior leadership (given their propensity to do his intellectual heavy lifting).

As a tenured member of the team, organization, and workforce, I am finding it very difficult to get my new “leader” to listen, let alone have a calm, rational discussion. Much like others in the department, I do not want to leave, but things appear to be set in stone so this may be my only viable option. Can you offer some advice on how to, in essence, speak to a child in an adult’s role?

Dear Muddled Manager:

It sounds as though you are very frustrated with this situation. I’m pleased to hear that you have tried to have a discussion with your new leader. Often, when we are unwilling to bring our displeasure to the table, we tend to act it out. I want to examine your approach with you.

As usual, I think it’s important to begin with an inward look. One of the tenets of emotional intelligence is understanding and managing our own emotions. I imagine you must feel hurt that these new leaders were chosen above the more mature and tenured members of your team with experience in your industry. Perhaps you are experiencing some fear that the organization is moving in a direction where you are not as valued.

I think it’s important in today’s organizations and world that we build resiliency skills. We will not always applaud decisions made by senior leaders, yet we have a personal choice whether we rise above the circumstances and demonstrate the ownership necessary for being successful. We can blame others, fail to confront tough issues in a constructive manner, and take on a victim mentality. Or, we can assess what frustrates us and ask ourselves what we can do to make a difference.

I also want to explore with you how committed you are to improving the morale of your team and to helping these new leaders be successful. It’s important to be aware of where you have control: you do not have control of decisions made by senior leaders; you do have control over your own behavior and choices. If you are working to discredit your new leaders in any way, this will reflect negatively on you, not them. Ask yourself these questions:

• What have I already done or said to influence the morale of my team, either positively or negatively?
• What could I do to improve morale and stem this “sense of malaise” that is  permeating the team? Can I commit to consistently demonstrating some positive behaviors and not contributing to the malaise?
• How do I think these new leaders [and the senior leaders] would describe me? Have I demonstrated a can-do attitude? Have I built credibility with them so that they want to hear my suggestions? Do I offer solutions or complaints?
• How did I approach my new leader to have a conversation? Was my tone one of speaking “to a child in an adult’s role?” Did I come across in a condescending, resentful or adversarial manner that got in the way of a constructive conversation?
• Once I have gained some credibility as a valuable, positive team member, what are some ways I might approach my new leader to have a constructive conversation?
• Is this the right culture/position for me?

The decision of the senior leaders to bring in these new leaders may be carved in stone, but leaving the organization is not your only viable option. Your behavior is not carved in stone! You can decide to do whatever you can to improve the morale of your team and help make the new leader as successful as possible. This approach is more than likely to bring you greater success and satisfaction.

Remember to follow this conversation for additional comments and suggestions, and please feel free to write the "Management Muddle" group again.

Best of luck,

Sandra LaJeunesse, Partner, Odyssey Consulting (a partner firm with ODDA)
Laura Freebairn-Smith, Principal, ODDA

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